Fare thee well, ides of March

Screw this cold ass March! Coldest ever, its over, winter, and tomorrow is my favorite holiday - April Fools Day. One of the teachers said she hated when April Fools Day falls on a week day because the kids are such pains. I am going to get her so good tomorrow! I'm trying to think of something that's only boarderline appropriate. How about hiding all her kids in the closet! She would freak! They would love it. I'm open for suggestions.

Bek's gone. I love the sound of her voice when she is happy. I think things can start getting better now.

Had a fight on the play ground and remembered a valuable lesson of youth. Do not get your butt kicked by a girl and then cry about it! You might have problems getting a girlfriend later in life. I could use that advice now. Except I'd rather get the crap kicked out of me than have my heart broken. .. . So I'm just going to try and be cool.

So...

Bek has come and gone, kinda, she's still in Missouri but I won't see her before she gets on the plane. Twelve hours wasn't very long. She's pregnant with some guy's baby. What the hell is wrong with me? This is no fucking fun, I promise that. And I like to have fun, she likes to have fun, we haven't had fun together in years.

And as hard as it is and as fucked up as things are right now, I still know she's the coolest person I've ever met. Undeniable. Makes it really hard to move on but what am I supposed to say? She's not the coolest? It would be a lie. I went through this with baby momma so it should get easier right? It doesn't. I tried to convince myself that Bek and I weren't awesome but we really were. And I tried to convince myself that Sara and I could be awesome but we really couldn't.

Hopefully I can at least look forward to some blunt honesty from Bek in the future. There are a few things I would like to get off my chest. I guess that's why I am purging here. Two wrongs don't make a right. How about 2000 or 2,000,000? FUCK! I can come back from anything.

If you don't know me then I will be honest and say that I am the type of person who will bide time, wait till shit stacks up to the ceiling and then deal with the mess I have created. I'll probably wait till the baby pops out and then say, what the fuck is a matter with us?!?!?! Yes, I am a stupid ass and so are you! We are both very very stupid. Reminds me of the lessons I learned working at the Chinese Restaurant.

You want to go to casino? Fuck You! - Thomas

I went to the casino this weekend and won $50. I never win, but I didn't drink, I didn't play slots and I only stayed for one hour. Those are the rules Tommy (Thomas) set for the casino and I think they are pretty good. There is still luck involved but at least you give yourself a chance that way. If I drank, played slots and stayed all night I guarentee you I would not have walked out with $50.

Picture by Underwear Nose Bleed

Picture at the bar/construction zone

What a day, today!

Beki, my ex-girl friend of seven years, is comming to town tonight. She is five months pregnant and I am going to pick her up at the airport. I guess the strange part about all of it is that it isn't strange. We're were always better friends than anything else, although we did enjoy nice weekend get-a-ways, dinners and diners... I have to say the only reason I have had a hard time hooking up is because most girls I have met can't compete with her. She a PhD, she does research in the Everglades, rides around in a helicopter. Not that baby momma isn't a cool chick, it just turned out that it wasn't meant to be. This is something I never really talk about, so soak it up because it is usually better to just avoid the really tough shit in life. Relationships, politics, religion, aren't they a bitch?

So I'm looking for jobs in Kansas City, cruising the internet. I've kinda shuffled myself into this teaching gig and I'm not opposed to shuffling myself out of it. Sometimes I'm curious to see just how well round I can become. I've learned to focus on teaching but here are a list of jobs I have had since I started working:
Sonic, Kitchen Manager at Tyson, Security Guard at Chicken Farm, worked at KFC for one day, United States Air Force, car detailing, car salesman for about three months, Assistant editor at Gumbeaux Magazine in Lake Charles, Louisiana, ESL tutor, (this is where I learned what it was I thought I wanted to do with my life) Able Bodied Seaman for Tidewater Marine, tutor in writing center at ULM, tutor in writing center at CMSU, Academic Advisor (GA) at CMSU, elementary and middle school ESL and Spanish teacher. Most of the time I was going ot school for either by BA in English or MA in TESL, and now I'm ready for the next step. It kinda exciting not knowing exactly what that step will be but I do have to admit I've never been more scared now that I have a child.

Lesson for the day: Children are scary!

Yesterday I had a uprising in 7th grade Spanish class. I had nightmares about it last night. Today, they were quiet as little old church mice.

Somuchfun - like a parrot crossed with a really smart puppy

On the Train
He's going to be 2 in like 10 days and he is by far the coolest person I have ever met. He is happy, he is nice when you are nice, mean when you are mean, I wish I could say he is a little mini-me but he looks like his mother. Fortunately we get along well, its a 50/50 type situation and I hate giving him up when it is her turn and she hates giving him up when it is my turn.

I guess I didn't realize that a 2 year old can be funny on purpose. He hides, gets so excited about the most insignificant stuff, he hates it when I tease him and call him Tiddler, "No, BEN!" He can tell stories with two words, "Train, choo-choo! Daddy!" He loves to eat, but hates whatever I give him, applesauce is everything from yogurt to chocolate pudding, which he had for breakfast this morning. Shhhhh! Don't tell his mom, she'll probably start giving it to him too.

He loves to party with his dad because his dad knows how to party. I really don't know what I would do without him.

WTF!?!?!?

I thought I was doing all right, not sweating the small stuff, not worried about much except finding a new job, spending good times with my son, and then I find myself filling out a profile for yahoo personals. What the hell is wrong with me. Sure, I'm lonely sometimes, but this is no way to go about. Why am I so opposed to meeting someone on the internet? Reality is what you make of it, right? Now I'm fucking stressed, feeling old and tired. I thought I had really dealt with all that shit. 32 is the prime of my life. No offense to hot young 23 year olds, but I wouldn't want to be that age again. Would I date a 23 year old? Hell yes, but girls are more mature than boys. I actually don't know how a 23 year old girl could date a 23 year old boy.

Anyway, I'm thinking about buying tickets to Hawaii to see my cousin, can't bring my son but that's okay, I am gonna chill the fuck out. I have $375 in travel vouchers from United, the dirty letter worked, and I am going to put the last vacation to shame. (I did hear there was an awesome girl fight at the dinner table on Easter at the people house we were supposed to be staying at. Missed it.) I wasn't so sure about skiing anyway. I'm wondering about other places besides Hawaii, places I've been, hell, I've been a lot of places. All the 50 states except Maine, NH, Vermont, Mass, RI, I could probably hit those little states in one day. Mexico and Canada, I'm thinking about Vancouver. Of all the places I've been I would have to say NYC and Alaska have been the coolest. Maybe revisit? I don't know if that makes sense. I've been to Hawaii twice... Can't make it to Europe, or Central America on $375, and if I could I'd go to Hungary to see Gabi and Zolton, my sister -in-laws folks.

WTF?!?!?!? I am so rambling on about nothing today. I feel like I need mental help, like a shrink or something. Binge and Purge

The Train

So I missed my flight because of the overflux of frat boys at the Kansas City Airport. Spring Break and United Suck! Over booked by twenty people, had us wait three hours for a flight to Washington DfuckingC, not Washington state...I'm going to write them a dirty dirty e-mail

Rode the train with my son this weekend, from St. Louis to Warrensburg. Strange how a weekend or long weekend can take on a theme. I was eating chicken wings at a restaurant with my big Italian brother Mike-Mike and I got a call from Tony (who is not Italian btw), my friend who I was supposed to be skiing in Washington State with at that very moment. I figured he was calling to gloat, which he was, but he was really calling to tell me about Laynie, a girl we know, who threw herself in front of a train and died on Friday night.

Poor poor Laynie... The conductor announced our stop and as I walked down the stairs with Benjamin I realized we were looking at the exact spot where she had died two nights before. I had seen the ambulances and firetrucks, police and others the night that it happened and I knew something bad had happened but I figured it was a car that got hit, not a young girl I knew.

I still love trains and young girls. Life is just so damn sad sometimes.

Postal

Going postal at school, hopefully going postal on vacation, going postal on my roommates, not literally of course.

What an adjective! Postal. One word that was created because of psycho employees of the USPS! Government employees of all people. What would your adjective be called? Mine would be called going teacher... or more likely going teacher on your ass. I've had to go teacher on my roommates this week. They paid the wrong bill and we got our gas shut off. Idiots! I don't know how I expected them to manage my house, pay bills, keep things clean...

Here are some off the top of my head:
going fry cook
going car salesman
going garbageman
going sales clerk
car salesman and sales clerk sound annoying
fry cook sounds going dumbass
going garbageman sounds like going home, watching TV, drinking beer and not taking a shower... why bother?
disclaimer: yes, these are all stereotypes.

No one likes to argue anymore

I feel like I have to say dumb shit to get a rise out of anyone anymore. Will someone please argue with me? I'm sure we can find something to disagree about. What's your favorite color? What music do you listen to? Cats or dogs? (Dogs for sure) I can argue about anything.

How about a picture?

Cashing in on Hope

I've got hope! I've had hope for years. It just hit me, where does it end? What do I even have hope in or for or what the hell ever? Misguided might just be my middle name. I've been thinking about getting to the right point by taking the wrong direction. Jumping in shit and coming out smelling like a rose. It might be the only option I have left because I have obviously made some bad decisions in my life. Can I still come out smelling like a rose? Yes I can! That's is exactly what I hope for. To brush this shit off, to make my life interesting again, to turn this shitty place into something worthwhile again and most importantly, to get the hell outta here when the opportunity presents itself.

One thing I have hoped for is certainly coming to and end: The end of the George W. Bush regime! I must say a little about my politics here. I don't vote for a party, I vote for the individual. I think I'm a pretty good judge of character and I'm sure I can spot a good old boy or a shrill bitch from across the room! haha! Cheap shot and I actually love the Clinton family, but we've been there already, and I really really like Barack Obama. If its between Clinton and McCain, who I also like since I teach ESL and appreciate his stance on immigration, I'm by no means making up my mind for either candidate. Christ, where is this going? Oh yeah, somehow I was going to write about blaming society for your problems. Its something I think about often because I was so happy during the Clinton years and so miserable during the Bush administration.

Its okay to blame society for your problems. If you are poor and live in Africa you want some damn money, if you're relatively rich and live in the USA then you want to keep your money and security. You depend on the people in charge. So what if I'm blatantly comparing money with happiness? It's a metaphor, its Monday morning, I just put gas in my car, I'm driving back from Washington State in two weeks and I wish gas was $1 again...

There it is! Gas! A perfect example of how you can blame society for your problems.