Monday, April 28, 2008


What a weekend... I have a new roommate and more importantly I got rid of my two other roommates. So far so great, but that's how it goes with roommates - I could live with anyone for a month and that's all she is planning on staying.

And Joe's moving in at the end of this week. Old Joe dog, we've lived together for years and it was always kinda up and down. Did I learn my lesson? Apparently not.

We lived on Joe Deats Road in Monroe, Louisiana. If you've never been to Monroe its serious bayou, backwoods, coon ass country. North Louisiana is so much different than South Louisiana. Below I-10 is the real Louisiana. North Louisiana isn't as friendly and there isn't as much to do.

One time Joe and I got in a water fight and I sprayed him with the hose, which isn't that strange I guess, except that I brought a garden hose through the window and into the house to spray him with water. That kinda sums up our relationship.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Financial Times

Me writing a blog about finance... all we need now is the locusts and some frogs and fire falling from the sky and that's the second coming, the one where the man gets really pissed. Frogs on fire falling from the sky... some people would think its cool until a firefrog stuck to their forehead or ended up in their pants.

That last paragraph explains exactly how loopy money makes me, I have little to no concept of it whatsoever. And then when the bank prints me a new card that is missing some numbers, and I pay my bills with these wrong numbers, and the people I paid my bills too come looking for me all at once! There is only one word, one totally inappropriate word that describes how I feel right now, "FUCK!" and not the verb form of the word either, the adjective...

It gets better. I thought it was funny that my taxes weren't getting here as fast as I would like, and now I know. My bank sent them back to George W. Bush so he could wage war with my scrilla. The last person on this earth I want to have my money just got it back... Thanks to my bank.

Usually this stuff is my fault! Like 99%... In fact, this might actually be the first time it really is someone else's fault for real. That makes me feel a little better.

You know who I miss? Molly Ivans, she was such a cool mean person.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

India Today

Two of my greatest friends, one of whom posts on this blog, Ankur, has left for India this afternoon. Beki, whom I have written about, is 7 months pregnant and headed for Pune, India too. I'm worried for her, I'm happy they are going, I'm jealous I am not... Ankur is getting married and I want to be at his wedding, I want to be in India, I want to get the hell outta here for a while.

Teachers might get hella vacation time, but there is no way I could have made this trip. My family is going to Hungary this summer, I can't make it, I am planning on working at the bar instead. Why is it that I need a vacation the worst and I am the last person who is going to get a real vacation? Albuquerque here I come? That doesn't seem right.

Pissy? Yes, jealous sucks, worried sucks. Peace is all there is and that is all I am concentrating on right now. So peace out and om shanti om,

Monday, April 21, 2008

Cold Duck

Vampire Weekend

I had some stuff to say but I forgot. I have no energy anymore. Not even the energy to write in this blog. Coffee and cigs aren't cutting it anymore. I need to get out and about, feel the wind in my hair, jump off of something and into something else (like a bridge or a cliff into some cool water). I need to fly somewhere, take a fishing trip, go canoing on the river, some-damn-thing to make things seem worth while.

Music is my saving grace. I can pick up my guitar and be on vacation anytime. Its better than anything. So listen to Vampire Weekend (the bass player is scott baio's nephew, strange, but don't hold it against them.) and I still haven't reached 1000 hits.

Cuando el tiempo es estrange, el estrange van pro

Friday, April 18, 2008

My Turn

Hopefully by completing this survey I will surpass the 1000 hits mark on my blog today!

What I was doing 10 years ago: Ten years ago I was getting out of the Air Force, starting college, taking a road trip across the USA, going to a rainbow gathering, and breaking up with my first real girlfriend. I was a busy little beaver.

Five Snacks I enjoy:I don't really snack and I'll eat anything when I am hungry. How about five snacks I would love to enjoy - 1. Wasabe peas, 2. Hummus, 3. Are hot wings a meal or snack? 4. An apple. 5. Anything the kindergarten teacher will give me when I beg... usually goldfishes

Five Things I would do if I were a billionaire: 1. Buy a hot car. 2. Travel everywhere. 3. Buy a lot of land. 4. Design and build my own house(s). 5. Become an activist...

Five jobs that I have had: (This one will be good.) 1. Able Bodied Seaman, just like Deadliest Catch. 2. Bomb Loader 3. Assistant Editor at Gumbeaux Magazine, an African-American magazine in Lake Charles, Louisiana. 4. Bartender in New Orleans, 5. Alligator swamp tour guide in Slidell, Louisiana.

Three of my habits: Smoking (yuck), drinking (yeah), watching TV (yuck)

Five place I have lived: (I've already said N.O. and Slidell) so... Concord and San Diego, California, Denver Colorado, Monroe Louisiana, Knob Noster and Warrensburg, MO

I am playing guess that photo again. I thought that picture of a young Willie Nelson was pretty tough. This guy is one of my favorites. Hints available...

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Everday Post

I had something to write about... nothing big. What was it? It has something to do with the Polyphonic Spree?

Oh yeah, the new music I have been running into: Man Man too - they're great!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Army of Me

Why is this underlined?

I still don't have anything I'd like to say...Strange. Still Underlined
I'll let Bjork say it for me today.

You're alright
There's nothing wrong
Self-sufficience please
And get to work

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

My Poor Tongue, My Broken Fingers...

I have begun to realize that it is hard for me to be cool, but when I can be cool, like on stage Saturday night, I can be really cool. That's the danger of having an image, when its not working it sucks! Hot and Cold, I don't even know what I am talking about.

My blog entires are now to be shrouded in mystery, are better yet, shrouded in ideas... Nothing tangible anymore. Everything revolves around ideas anyway. Having fun isn't really a tangible thing is it? I guess beer is pretty real. .. . May be I should just start posting in Morse Code or short hand... How about Espanol?

I will post video of our show on Saturday night sometime soon.

Monday, April 14, 2008

The Sweetest Thing

Our show on Saturday night rocked so hard it still hurts. We wound up dancing until 4am and my legs are sore. I'm not sure exactly what to say because it hasn't sunk in yet. I think that is great, like walking on a cloud for a couple of days. The more clouds the better.

This is an old picture from Costa Rica. I'm posting it because its cool and I don't really have anything to talk about, except I that have everything to talk about.

Friday, April 11, 2008

New Movie, New Job

City of God! What a movie... I can't believe I waited this long to see it. Certianly in my list of top ten favorites ever.

I'll be working at The Bottom Feeder (that is the name of my brother's bar) next year. I have a feeling that there are going to be some ups and downs, a period or adjustment coupled with some shouting matches. If I can go into it with an open mind, honestly, then I think it will work out just fine.

We're booking bands and looking for menu ideas... The name of this place "The Bottom Feeder" is pretty much set in stone, but I still want to know what people think of the name? All I can say is that it wasn't my idea and the biggest reason he went with this particular name is because people either love it or hate it. Would you eat at a place called the Bottom Feeder?


Thursday, April 10, 2008

Wikipedia Research for Mis Patos

I was going to teach "La Cucaracha" in class today. I knew the history of the song was very important to Mexican culture, but its too "cool" to teach to 7th grade. This song is a good example of why its very important for teachers to research the material they are going to give their classes before they send them off to work.

"La Cucaracha" ("The Cockroach") is a traditional Spanish language folk song of the genre known as a corrido, that became popular in Mexico during the Mexican Revolution.

The ultimate origin of "La Cucaracha" is unsettled, but it gained its greatest popularity during the Mexican Revolution of the early 20th century. However, the song is mentioned in 1883, and possibly as early as 1818. Although it is speculated that it may be of Spanish origin, there is no reliable source for this, nor does the song appear in any other Latin American country.

The lyrics consist of independent verses, often improvised. It is similar to Yankee Doodle, The Burning of the School or On Top of Old Smoky. One typical and most familiar verse is as follows:

La cucaracha, la cucaracha
Ya no puede caminar
Porque no tiene, porque le falta
Marihuana pa' fumar

The cockroach, the cockroach
Can't walk anymore
Because it doesn't have, because it's lacking
Marijuana to smoke.

The reference to marijuana arose during a period of time---approximately the time of the Mexican Revolution---when the word cucaracha was also a slang term for marijuana or a marijuana cigarette stub (hence the term "roach" in American slang).

I know I talk a lot of smack about the irony of me being a teacher, but I'm really good at it. I think its because I can actually relate to the students. But I can feel myself becoming desensitized more and more every day.

I taught this one:

La cucaracha, la cucaracha
Ya no puede caminar
Porque la falta, porque la falta
Un pie para caminar

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Crazy Ideas That Must Be Purged!

So now that I'm not teaching school next year, and especially considering that I have no plan for the future, sans a few job applications I have filled out, I am kind of thinking about what it is I will do to FEED MYSELF AND MY CHILD! I feel as if I have to purge the crazy ideas and get to the ideas that will actually pay the bills.

I think I have a man crush.

Arrested Development is today's source of inspiration. I want to develop land, businesses, residential properties, maybe get a contract to build a strip mall in Iraq or something like that... So I'm going with it until the idea has been purged. I re-set up my Bloomberg account, subscribed to the New York Times and downloaded a PDF on taking the test for a realtor's liscense.

When I began my career as a English as a Second Language teacher it was my opportunity to travel the world, plus I used to like kids. Now I only like one or two... When my son was born my wings were clipped and although they are growing back bit by bit (I will see the rest of this world, all of it, I promise) they are still short and stubby.

Now I like land, I like money, I want responsible, sustainable land development. I like urban properties, I like rural wide open spaces, it all interests me very much.

In fact, having a kid is a good reason to travel and see the world. He's not going to be allowed to live in the middle of nowwhere Missouri for the rest of his life. Hell, he's only two and he's been to New Orleans, Denver, St. Louis, Kansas City, not a bad start. And this summer he'll be taking the train to Albuquerque with his Dad. Can't wait for that trip!

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

On Being a Teacher

I read a blog earlier today, by a first year teacher, and I was suprised how sexy and over-the-top it was. She wrote about a random memory, on the dance floor with some dude, bumping and grinding, grinding and bumping....she ended up at home, curled up in the fetal position, alone. Funny shit! I've said it before, teachers are screwed up. Myself included.

Anyway, she inspired me to write about a random memory I recently recollected, (more like someone recollected for me) about some guy at a party sticking a gun in my face. Thinking about that memory brought about loads of other inappropriate memories - that was the first of three guns that were pulled on me, there was an incident with a fouth and a game of craps, I've been stabbed twice, maced twice and I now teach kindergarten. Its a crazy mixed up world.

On the positive side, I've never been in a car accident and the only time I've really been arrested was because I saw some guy punching a girl in the face and while I broke up the fight the cops came... I've got a Bachlor's Degree and a Master's Degree, who knows how many good books I've read, places I've been, beers I've drank. (If you like to travel go to Alaska and NYC... they're the best!) And I'm the best Dad....

And I'm finished teaching for now. After this contract I am moving on, working at a bar or something. I'd really like to make some money. Once I'm done teaching I can start talking about the really good stuff on this blog!

Anyway, the butterfly effect brought this rant on... Where is that goddamn butterfly that flapped his wings in my direction? Sometimes I look back and say "That was interesting." Sometimes I look around and think, "How did I get myself in this fucking mess?" and other times I think, "What the hell am I gonna do now?" I have such a love/hate relationship with my butterfly.

In the hopes of creating some good karma for myself (jinxed it!) I am putting a link on here for people who have never heard of Edward Gorey. If you have heard of him look at it anyway, its in English as Spanish... maybe you'll learn something!

थे पस्त

Monday, April 7, 2008

Giving Advice - A cautionary tale...

The names have been omitted to protect the guilty.

A close friend of mine had been prescribed meds because of severe anxiety. He was/is a great guy, but also a bit of a side show attraction. He stood 6 feet tall, shaved his obviously red head and grew a 8 inch goatee that he constantly stroked and talked about. He was proud of being a bit of a sideshow attraction.

This was during the late 90s and we were mostly college students and drinking buddies. I was 23, 24 years old and seriously thought I knew everything. College was easy for me, but not so much for my friend.

So I tried to help him out... I told him that maybe his meds were the reason he was having trouble in school. I was reading a lot of Uncle Bill (William Seward) Burroughs at the time and was under the impression that doctors were quacks and apparently heroine dealers? Impressionable. Hindsight is a bitch.

I don't actually claim total responsibility for his behavior or for him quitting taking his meds because he was an adult and I was just giving some friendly advice, but there is a grey area here where the advice you give creates havoc and sends people away...

I can definitely hear myself saying, "Man, you don't need that shit. You're not crazy. (He didn't always seem crazy to me, but there were times.) Those doctors have you hooked on that stuff. Or... They're just trying to make money off you. (Which I still don't think is completely false.)

I think you can see where this is going. He quit taking his meds, went to a restaurant and flipped over some table, took a leak on the floor of McDonalds, that sort of stuff... He went on a rampage all over town.

Maybe this post isn't about giving advice. That's an egotistical thing. This post is about taking advice. People are always going to give you advice. So be careful, or you might wind up in the asylum like my friend.

I received a phone call from him about a year ago, from the farm... That would have put him at almost 9 years away. Ouch! He's still there as far as I know.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

To Build a Fire

Last night I took little Ben to Mark Park and we built a fire in the woods. Mark Park is where my father accidentally burned part of his acrage down and I turned into a place to relax and enjoy nature. I named it Mark Park in honor of myself and all other people named Mark. (haha! actually they rymn.)

We flew a kite, layed in the hammock and played with the dogs. That is my favortie stuff to do without a doubt. Anyway, I am going to do a controlled burn and clear this park out so it looks professional, put a picnic table and lawn chairs, tent sites and a tire swing... its going to be awesome. I'll have to take some before and after pictures for my blog.

Terrence and I stayed and chit chatted until about 10pm last night. If it wasn't raining I would do the same thing tonight.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Burned Out, Man!

Burned myself out on April Fools Day. I swear I drank more coffee and fucked off more yesterday than I ever have before. I was amped, as you might be able to tell my the length of my post. That's why this is it for today.


Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Record Setting April Fools Day!

And its only 8:17! I told the school nurse and the preschool teacher that we have a new preschooler named Pablo Escobar. They bought it. I told the first grade teacher that her worst nightmare has come true: there are standardized testing booklets at the front door for first grade. Fidelina, my sixth grade student, probably thinks she doesn't have to take the tests that arrive today. Hopefully she doesn't turn out too screwed up after spending two years with me as her English teacher!

Gee whiz! I am going to miss these other teachers and kids after I am finished with this contract. I certianly have to move on, its past time, but this was my first pubic school teaching gig and I will never have another experience like this one.

But its April Fools Day and it time to start thinking about getting the big Cheese, the person who taught me what April Fools is all about, my Mother! And my Grandmother, but she's older and not as hard to get anymore... It usually takes me about three hours to think of something that will get my Mom. She has her radar on, guarenteed. This post is going to have to be an on going thing.

It took me 5 minutes to think of something. Its better to get her early when she is still sleeping. I e-mailed her and told her I left the coffee pot on and that it was empty. Haha! Burning down the house, her number one fear and her number one April Fool's Day joke! When I was 12 she told me our house burned to the ground, then called all my Aunt's and Uncle's and told them too!

Update: Okay, it worked. She initally freaked! But I'm telling you, it doesn't take her long to figure this stuff out. She just e-mailed me and said my dog got hit by a car. WEAK. Now every time I talk to her she is going to have her radar on. But its not impossible to get her. I have to incorporate others into the scheme, namely, Zseralidina, my Hungarian sis-in-law.

Update: I gave up on my Mom. I could tell her anything, even the truth, and she wouldn't believe it at this point. I've never got my Dad, no one has. So today is the day! We usually don't try too hard because he can get really pissy. His sense of humor isn't at all warped and his feelings get hurt very easily. So this is going to get me in trouble. Anyway, I e-mailed him and asked him for some advice about school. I said I saw a fight on the playground through my window and asked if I should report it or keep it under my hat. If he says I should report it I am going to say I didn't and that some kids saw me watching the fight and that my principal is pissed that I didn't report it! If he says I should keep it under my hat, I am going to tell him that I already reported it and that the principal chewed out the teacher that was on recess duty and that she got sent home from school early and that she is pissed at me for going over her head. Either way I win.

Update: Did I mention my Dad is very smart and it is very hard to get him? Here is what he wrote: Just go to the kid who did the punching and punch him so he knows how it feels. Uh, April Fools. One step ahead of me Pops!

This is what my Mom wrote after I sent her the same e-mail:
>was it the counselor that yelled at both of them or another teacher? If
they go to the principal's office to get expelled I would definitely speak up

And this is what I wrote back: Well, its too late. I didn't say anything and they both got suspended for three days. That poor little kid didn't even do anything. If I say something now the principal will be pissed because I made him look like a jerk.

Update: I'm getting no work done today, none. But check out this conversation I had with my best buddy Ankur. Google chat is so cool.

10:29 AM me: I got fired today
ankur: WHT?
me: I think I am going to leave for California tomorrow
for a break
10:30 AM ankur: WHAT THE HELL?
me: can I stya two weeks?
ankur: what happened?
me: I punched a kid in the nose
ankur: What?
what kid?
me: yeah, he called me a faggot and I bitch slapped him
a second grader
ankur: Are you serious?
me: i hope they don't press charges
10:31 AM I'll end up in jail
probably get ass raped
this sucks
ankur: You not kidding?
this is serious?
me: Have you read my blog lately?

ankur: yes......but not the latest one
10:32 AM me: I've been recording the events of the day on it today
you can read about everything that has happened
ankur: You got to be kidding dude
me: including, especially including this conversation
ankur: I hope you are
why would you do something like that?
me: this conversation might be the best one yet
ankur: punch a kid
me: bitch slapped his ass
10:33 AM like a punk
poor little devil
bet he never calls anyone else a fag again
10:35 AM ankur: I should have guessed
you Got me
me: I have my tickets
yes, I did
ankur: You did
me: and I have a transcript of the entire thing for people to read

ankur: But I am glad it s not true
I a glad that it didnt happen
10:36 AM You have no totally threw off my balance
me: good
keeps you in check
that'[s what this day is all about
reality check
ankur: YES
its kinda cool
me: how will you act in a uncomfortable situation?

ankur: you put me down...and then I came up
and it feels good
the up and down
me: you, my friend, are prone to a freak out

Update: Grandama and Grandpa were too easy. I almost felt bad but not really. I told him that I was from the pound and that I had a dog named Bozo "down here" and he needed to come pick him up. They had a dog named Bozo for years, he died about five years ago. I said, "He's got a collar with your name and phone number on it, so that means you are responsible for him." That's when he almost blew his top. He said, "Buddy, I'm gonna come down there. But it ain't gonna have nothing to do with no dog." Or some good old boy shit... Then when I told him it was me, he said that I was lucky cause he was gonna get out his knife and stab whomever was making demands over the phone.

Shane, my other best bud since high school and lead singer in my band, got it good. I told him that water had leaked through the roof of the bar and ruined about $3000 worth of band equipment. He was fucking livid! He said that he had put a trash bag over the top of it, something which I had no idea about, and I said "Well, someone must have removed it." When he finally found out I was just fucking with him he said he was getting ready to go find the person who took the trash bag off.

Only two people got me today - a fourth grader told me I had mustard on my face, we had chicken and noodles for lunch today (with homemade noodles, our lunch ladies rock!) and some girl's blog had a black and white picture from or some shit, the one that says "she's a model now". I looked at it and thought, I know that person, she's a model now? wtf?