Monday, March 31, 2008


Bek has come and gone, kinda, she's still in Missouri but I won't see her before she gets on the plane. Twelve hours wasn't very long. She's pregnant with some guy's baby. What the hell is wrong with me? This is no fucking fun, I promise that. And I like to have fun, she likes to have fun, we haven't had fun together in years.

And as hard as it is and as fucked up as things are right now, I still know she's the coolest person I've ever met. Undeniable. Makes it really hard to move on but what am I supposed to say? She's not the coolest? It would be a lie. I went through this with baby momma so it should get easier right? It doesn't. I tried to convince myself that Bek and I weren't awesome but we really were. And I tried to convince myself that Sara and I could be awesome but we really couldn't.

Hopefully I can at least look forward to some blunt honesty from Bek in the future. There are a few things I would like to get off my chest. I guess that's why I am purging here. Two wrongs don't make a right. How about 2000 or 2,000,000? FUCK! I can come back from anything.

If you don't know me then I will be honest and say that I am the type of person who will bide time, wait till shit stacks up to the ceiling and then deal with the mess I have created. I'll probably wait till the baby pops out and then say, what the fuck is a matter with us?!?!?! Yes, I am a stupid ass and so are you! We are both very very stupid. Reminds me of the lessons I learned working at the Chinese Restaurant.

You want to go to casino? Fuck You! - Thomas

I went to the casino this weekend and won $50. I never win, but I didn't drink, I didn't play slots and I only stayed for one hour. Those are the rules Tommy (Thomas) set for the casino and I think they are pretty good. There is still luck involved but at least you give yourself a chance that way. If I drank, played slots and stayed all night I guarentee you I would not have walked out with $50.


FreeSpeakPoet said...

I can understand the situation you are describing all too well.

Love makes us do crazy things...

Ankur Dnyanmote said...

YES...Bek is the coolest person I have ever known. Thats a beautiful post. Very honest...perhaps there fore beautiful. Keep experimenting with the truth my friend.